Well, here it is 11:00 and I think I am ready...Bags are packed, house is clean (enough), and Addie is fast asleep. I think I have everything...atleast we're only 30 minutes from IA City if I did forget something important.
Tonight it started to sink in what we're about to go through. A new bloggin friend from Braska Bear sent me the link to her daughter's surgery and it was good to see more pics of what we can expect Addie to look like after surgery. I am so glad people have shared these pictures of their babies when they went through similar surgeries.
I don't think I am scared for the surgery or any part of it really. The hardest part for me is how much I know I am going to miss those big blue eyes looking up at me each day as I feed her. I cried through most of her night time bottle tonight and while I was rocking her to sleep. I cried not because I am scared of the next few days, but because I am going to miss her. I know she will be pretty sedated for most of the first few days and I know that is the best thing for her so she can get rest and heal, but it is going to be so hard not to see her smile and her beautiful blue eyes. Addie has really started to develop a personality and I just love the interactions we've been having with her. I have never been away from her for more than a couple of hours, so the time that she is going to be in surgery will be the longest I have been from her.
It is really interesting to see how different people cope and prepare for things like this. Zac and I have been very lucky and have not had to deal with difficult situations like the one we will have this week. My way of coping with all of the emotions is to clean, I guess if the house is in order and I'm in control of that, then I feel better about not really being in control of the situation with Addie. I just have to remind myself that God is in control, and He is going to take care of her, guiding the surgeons hands as they work, and keeping her comfortable as she heals over the next couple of weeks.
Zac is coping by doing what he loves, working in his shop. I can hear the sound of his saw downstairs, so I know he is working on some project, helping him to deal with the upcoming stress.
Talking to my mom today...well she said she can't focus on anything. Last I talked to her she was listening to her IPOD and dancing in her classroom (you have to know my mom to understand)...she was staying at school for parent teacher conferences, but no one ever comes to see her, which I guess is considered a good thing because parents usually only come talk to the teachers they or their children have a problem with...so that is how she was coping...dancing and listening to "Oh what a miracle", which has been her and Addie's song since she was born.
Dad will be coming over for the surgery too, I haven't talked to him too much as he's been in the field. But I'm sure he has his own way of coping too. Just intersting I guess...just the observations you make when life gives you difficult situations.
I gues that's it...tomorrow it all begins. I'll be glad to meet the surgeon and have a better idea of what Thursday is going to look like. I'm also curious to know how long it is that we can't feed Addie prior to the surgery. It could be interesting if it is very long and how we're going to keep her happy minus milk...
I'll try to get a post on here tomorrow after we leave the University, they told us to plan on being there from 9-2. I will try to keep updating the blog throughout the day on Thursday. We have to be at the hospital at 6am, and we give her to the surgery team at 7am. They will call the waiting room every 1 1/2 hours with updates and said we could plan on seeing her between noon and 1. And we will post on the blog if and when we will be able to have visitors. If in doubt, just give Zac or I a call.
Thanks for your continued prayers. Pray that everything goes smoothly tomorrow and Addie doesn't get too antsy being at the hospital all day tomorrow as I'm guessing she won't be able to nap very well. Hopefully Addie will do well getting blood taken and all the results will be "normal".
Sorry this got so long....gnight.